If Only I Could Change
by priceless2009
Summary: History isn't the only thing that repeats itself...sometimes mistakes are repeated even when we know they're wrong...


Disclaimer: I own nothing, I bow down to JK and her awesomeness.

Note To The Reader: This is short, something I wrote a long time ago that I thought might fit a Draco/Hermione pairing. I enjoy reading them and thought I would put up a short little one shot possibly longer if people are interested.I would like to apologize for any mistakes below also, Hermione is referred to as Mya and of course this varies from the books...If you think you would like to read more of this story, please leave a review and I will work on it! Otherwise read and enjoy :-)

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><p>Ever get that feeling of déjà vu? That feeling that just takes over your senses and you know that what you're doing is wrong, or you've done it before and regretted it? Well if you haven't you are stronger than I am and I covet your ability to make the right decision with every aspect of your life. I however have never been that lucky and have continuously fallen victim to bad decisions, and one bad decision is where this story really starts, with my realization that even though some mistakes are satisfying in the moment, they still end up making everything fall apart.<p>

I got up, stepping quietly, doing my best to remain silent. Slipping my dress on, I was grateful for my decision to disregard wearing underwear. I picked up my shoes and tip toed to the door. Surveying my surroundings one more time, I had to stop myself from laughing. My ongoing mistake was lying sprawled out on his back, one hand tucked beneath him and the other resting behind his head. Smirking slightly I couldn't help but think, that it was too bad the sheet covered his most satisfying feature. Shaking my head, I walked out of the room and started down the hallway toward his front door. My walk of shame would begin in two minutes, that's how long it would take to get to the elevator and ride it down to the lobby of his building.

There was something oddly familiar about tonight. It was beautiful, the sky was clear sparkling with stars and the moon was high and bright. But as calm and pleasant as my surroundings were I couldn't shake this feeling of déjà vu. Deciding it was probably just my imagination, I walked down the street stopping in front of a local diner. There was no hesitation in my step as I went inside. It wasn't until I saw down that I realized that I sat at this same table every time I came here.

"The usual Mya?" The big guy from behind the counter smiled while walking toward the table with a drink in hand.

"You know what I like Jimmy," I answered moving my drink to the right hand side of the table just like I always did. I paused for a moment looking at the glass; it became crystal clear to me now that I had done this every time I came into this diner.

"Hey Jimmy," a man at the counter asked, "Who's that?"

"Mya." He answered. "She's been coming in here every Sunday for the past couple of months."

"Yeah? She's too pretty to be in a dump like this."

"She always sits at that table and always orders the same thing. A creature of habit I guess."

I overheard their conversation and it seemed as though I already know how it would go. Jimmy always wore the same thing, jeans and a flannel shirt with some kind of work boots. And his friend Andy always sat at the bar wearing a similar outfit. It was odd to know so much about people that I barely knew at all.

Laying my napkin on my plate and finishing the last sip of my Coke I laid some money on the table. "Thanks Jimmy. I'll be seeing ya."

I took a right turn as I walked out of the diner and automatically stayed to the right of the sidewalk. Just a few feet up was a hole in the concrete to the left. I remember this because the first time I walked down this sidewalk I tripped and twisted my ankle. Remembering this gave me that familiar feeling of re-occurrence. Sure I had walked this way many times before, but for some reason this time something felt out of place, even though everything was the same.

It had become my usual Sunday routine to have dinner with him. I'd walk the same streets to and from his place. I'd been doing this for the last four months before it happened. I had never wanted to step foot inside that nasty looking diner but all that changed one Sunday a couple of months ago.

There was nothing unusual about that particular Sunday. I showed up at a quarter to six like always and we sat down and talked before dinner, which happened to be my favorite part of the evening. When the conversation turned to relationships I noticed a change in his demeanor. He was less focused on the conversation and avoided my gaze. I figured that it was a typical guy reaction to the finicky subject while in mixed company. So I tried my best to steer the conversation to a topic that he would be more open to discuss.

Neither of us were virgins so we talked openly about our past sexual experiences, both good and bad. It was when I was in the middle of telling him about a guy who thought it was romantic to watch Quidditch while trying to reach his climax that he broke our routine. He leaned in close and kissed me. He slipped his hand behind my neck and pulled me toward him and that's when everything changed.

He didn't want a relationship, at least not with me anyway. He wanted sex it was that simple. At first I didn't think I would be able to handle a relationship like that but after the second time that night, I couldn't stay away. I liked the way he made me feel and I liked that he needed me, that he wanted me. The dinners stopped entirely after that. They soon became a race of who could get the others clothes off first. They became lust and desire. They became my mistake. He became my greatest mistake.

I walked home like always that night but I made a small detour stopping for dinner at the local diner for a quick bite to eat. I never realized before that sex could cause such a surge in appetite. After a short meal my walk home was a confusing mess of tears, curse words, and wishes. I wanted to take it back; I wanted to be free of my new-found addiction.

But I'd wake up and everyday would be Sunday. Every day was the same black dress, the same two-mile walk, and the same mistake. I always had a choice. I could have said no. I could have stayed home. I could have stopped it. But, my weakness for feeling complete was fully surfaced now and building my strength would take a while. It would take a while to turn away that beautifully toned body, that platinum blond hair, and those silver gray eyes. Until then I was stuck, stuck in an endless loop of Sundays with no visible break in the cycle.


End file.
